Friday, December 28

Day 149: Stop Wishing You Better At Life.

Life. A period after it was sufficient enough to make you wonder what this post was going to be about. If you are expecting some philosophical gyaan, then my friend get set to be disappointed. This is no rant on Seven Steps To A Successful Life. You don't just sit there reading how to live your existence; you go out there, live it.

Firstly, tell me, how many times have you had a conversation with yourself? Yes, like a one-on-one conversation with the person in the mirror. I don't mean when you check out yourself, not because you are stunning, but because you want to examine every inch of that extra fat you've put on in the last few months. 

"Oh, I need to cut down the chocolate intake. But damn, they tempt me. She eats more than I do, but she is so skinny. I wish I had her body."

Have you ever looked at other couples' happy faces and wished your relationship wasn't as complicated at it is?

"I wish he loved me like that. Why don't my relationships work out! She must be so happy and grateful to be loved so immensely."

Wednesday, December 19

Day 140: 10 Reasons My Boyfriend Is Awesome.

  • He has the most amazing ideology on everything. I considered myself matured, until I found him. When we started getting to know each other, he almost killed me with his mindset. Our connections just got started there.

  • I know love, after I've known him. He made me believe in love, when I was completely lost, messed up and was searching for happiness in the wrong places.

  • He is one of the most amazing photographers I've ever known personally. Everything he clicks, become beautiful. Sometimes, I tell him that a lot of my pictures are so fucking amazing cause he has clicked them. He generously denies and says it is the other way around. You can check his work here. Also, The Green Hearts. (with A & S)

  • He makes me feel so secure just by being around. Let's just say, it is the way he gives me half a hug, (from one side) when I absolutely need it the most, which is precisely the same way he hugged me when we first met at Goa.

Day 139: Make Life Simpler.

You own everything that happens in your life. Go ahead, let the world know. Let them talk. If they wanted to be a part of your world, they should have been more considerate while talking. Ignore them. The only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it. It applies to both, the good and the bad. You are what you believe you are. The more you let them affect you, the more you're giving them a chance to decide what kind of a life you should lead. Keep thinking that you are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to you. Isn't it wonderful to think that the best days of your life haven't yet happened to you ! We can either make ourselves amazing or we can make ourselves miserable. The amount of work done is the same. Love yourself enough to walk away from anything that doesn't help you grow, serves you or makes you happy.

Here is one of my favorite quotes by Lady Gaga, which inspires me a lot. “I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star... I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be - and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth.” 

Sunday, December 2

Day 122: 10 Reasons Why You Should Date An Older Man.

  • He is never going to complain about your going out with your girl- friends, having sleepovers, or not texting him 24* 7, informing about your whereabouts and so on. He'd probably be busy with his own work and life.
  • You would get to have dinners at upscale multi-cuisine restaurants. He'd would have developed a good taste by now, thanks to his client meetings. That is perhaps of the best-est things to happen to you, especially if are a foodie like me.
  • You get to visit amazing places if he takes you out on a holiday. Expect Paris, Rome, New York and Vegas if he plays with dollars. No kidding girl, aren't you a travel enthusiast? 
  • You never have to wait for someone's call every night. You would always have plenty of options, if he is stuck in a meeting somewhere. Cmon, we all know what he'd be up to anyway.
  • He is never going to be intimidated by any man who hits on you. He'd be sure that he's the best you can do right now. A confident, elder man, isn't that super sexy?!
  • You get to go to elite parties and jazz clubs, drink wine and champagne for a change, well at-least till you get bored with it.
  • Your birthday presents will be nothing short of fabulous. Exotic perfumes, exquisite dresses, imported chocolates, iPad 3 + Birthday sex in Barcelona! Could it get any better!
  • Walking in front of your haters would never be as fruitful as this. Imagine all the girls in your school getting insecure and jealous. You feel like you've found your perfect match, someone who is worth you.
  • You can always take being young and immature as an excuse to be corrected. All that relation-shit and all the drama you put up with boys is over. Finally, this all of this makes sense, right?
  • Lastly, sex with him will ALWAYS be good. All that libido building up inside you can finally turn into healthy orgasms. Time to have some bed romping, sweat building and skin bleeding love making sessions.

Thursday, November 29

Day 119: Lovers I Have Had & Liked.

Dear S,
You were the best mate a girl could have in her early teens. You were my best friend, my high school sweetheart, my best critique and my biggest supporter. You were the shoulder to cry on when I fought with my mom. You were the one to who I complained about all the drama the girls at school did. You were the one to who I came running to abusing the guy who kept stalking me while I returned from the tutions. I grew up and so did my wants. You were my first love; someone who I will always cherish. May you always get what you dream for.

Dear A,
Oh you crazy handsome senior ! You came to my life at a very wrong time, when I was already seeing my best friend. I always had something for you. I loved how you gave me a hundred names. You can't distinguish one love from the other. I know, I know people think it is wrong. Even I did. But now I know, it is perfectly alright to be in love with more than one person at the same time. It is very platonic. I remember how we used to talk for hours on phone aimlessly. When you asked me out, I was really confused but I had to choose him over you. I was never in love with you. I hope someday you would understand that. 

Dear A,
You were my first crush at college. I was absolutely crazy about you. It was a lot like my first crush. It had the same feeling of butterflies in the stomach, the daydreaming and the hours and stretches of pointlessly making up conversations in mind. Although, you being completely different, I used to totally digg you( well, I guess maybe that was the reason I did). Ah, the whole point of liking someone who doesn't like you back, or atleast didn't show. It was so much fun back then. Honestly, at one point of time I really liked you and wanted to be with you but I chose him over you. You know me, I'm so impulsive. I still have a lot to talk to you. I know you still think of me. I do too. Sometimes.

Dear A,
You loved me like a father loves his new born baby girl. We used to have so much fun together. You understood my baby talk and responded to the same. You always took care of me and used to get me everything I wanted. You were my second daddy and I loved you so. What we shared was really platonic and cute. I used to love our car rides and daily ice cream after classes. I loved your mommy, I still do. You and me could have had something, maybe. But, you were so possessive and insecure. I never liked it. I chose you over seven-fucking-billion people, why would I have gone with someone else. You always felt like you weren't good enough for me, maybe that is why I felt the same. I was always honest with you, even when I said that I have nothing left to give you. I was never really attracted to you. We don't talk but, I hope you have a good life.

Dear B,
Phew! You were a change in my life( B after so many As). Hahaha, jokes apart. "Oh, really is she seeing a junior?" , was the basic talk of the town. I thought that you were never my type, especially not someone to get involved with emotionally. I was just playing safe and having fun hanging out with you when you made it all serious. I didn't want any promises, because I knew one day I had to leave. You got me falling for you. I loved you. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I still tell everyone that you were the first man in my life- the first man to have ever been so close to me both emotionally and physically. I tried. I tried to save our relationship for a very long time. You gave me a lot to remember. Memories. You taught me to be more realistic, practical and confident. You were always an egoistic and a self-centered man. I pity any woman who has or will be a part of your life. You almost had me. You lucky man. Reality check darling; you can never be in love with anyone. I loved you. You loved you. No hard feelings. I hope you have a good life. Alone. You're welcome.

---to be continued

Tuesday, November 20

Day 110: Be My Rebound Boyfriend

I have been falling in and out of love all my life. Sometimes I want commitment and security and care. Yet sometimes, I want freedom and fun and no promises. I am just built like that. I always want what I don't have.

"I'm not looking for anything serious. I'm trying not to get hurt anymore."

"Oh I know. I don't expect anything from you.I just want to be with you. Now."

But for how long would I want such a bond? Until I fall in love again. Or maybe when I get bored of playing the 'good girl gone bad'. Who knows? Who cares right now anyway! This, what we would have, won't be love. It is just going to be solace. It would just be an excuse to say, 'Hey I'm better off without him, anyway.' Sometimes, I might miss him. I would hug you like I hugged him. I might make you feel special too. Don't worry, I wouldn't look for my lost love in you. I would be with you like I have never been with anyone else. But please, don't fall in love with me. 

Sometimes I might feel that your idea of life is nothing like mine. I might not see any compatibility between us. The way you kiss might not make me feel complete after we are done on your bed. But don't worry, I won't judge you. I would over look your idiosyncrasies and smile at you every time we bump into each other. After all, "I'm not looking for anything serious. I'm trying not to get hurt anymore."

Wednesday, October 24

Day 83: Morning Debate With Sleep.

Me: Fuck. What the hell is that sound?

Sleep: It is your favorite song. The same song you dance to every Friday at the club. Sounds pretty irritating right now, isn't it? Shut the goddamn alarm and throw the phone away.

Me: No, I have to wake up. I turned it on last night. I don't know why I turned it on though.

Sleep: Wake up? No. Why wake up when you can still drift to your dreams and follow Mr. Bunny to wonderland. There you can sit and have tea with Mr. cat and roam ad-mist big flower gardens and float in chocolate rivers reaching Mr. Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. There you can eat different flavored gummy balls and take a ride on Nimbus 2000 to Hogwarts.

Me: That sounds great, but I really do have to wake up.

Sleep: Excuse me, I'm trying to help you. What could possibly be more important than a date with Mr. Potter at the Whimping Willows?

Me: It is Monday. Have to get to the office.

Sleep: It can’t be as important as the magical wonderland of sleep. Listen, you need to find the magic box in the chamber of secrets. There is something for you in there. You have to complete the mission to win the game. You get choco frogs for every level you complete.

Me: But. But, the box isn’t real.

Sleep: If you don’t go back to sleep, you’ll be cranky and homicidal. You'll turn into a moody psycho. You’ll probably murder someone you love in a fit of sleepy rage. You will sleep in the sessions and gulp infinite cups of coffee. You will lit a cigarette at the break and throw the burning match stick on to the passers. Later, you shall come home and curse yourself for not sleeping enough. That is what sleepless people do, they get crazy !

Me: Oh, Sleep, you’re SO tempting.

Sleep: Your soul is mine!

Me: uhmmm. come here.

Sleep: Hey, there is someone knocking at your door. Probably your flatmate trying to wake you up. Is it considered social to wake up someone from their peaceful dreams and ask them to get on with the daily hustle bustle. What kind of a friend does that?

Me: You’re right, but I’ll have to see them eventually. Let me just open the door.

Sleep: Wait! Just listen to the tip tip of the rain drops on the window pane, that faint sound of your favorite chill playlist on the desktop. Could you dare to over power the magic of lullabies and the sound of distant honking horns of vehicles gushing past each other, ten floors below you? Imagine tripping on the distant crack of thunder, the sound of the air conditioner and the sound of you lost in blissful sleep — like a big fat cat squeezed in between blankets and pillows purring it way to glory.

Me: Ah, I wish. You always seduce me.

Sleep: Think of the articles you read on the internet about healthy sleep habits. People your age need 9-10 hours of quality sleep each night. You need almost as much sleep as a little baby. But the overpowering burden of society will always try to crumple the facts, and condition you to be mechanical, until one day your body is no more than bones and husk.

Me: Oh, I have a meeting with my tech lead today. I'm supposed to see him in an hour and half. I need to wake up and shower.

Sleep: Why not sleep for ten more minutes, shower in five minutes, and then you’ll still have a lot of time to take a cab to office.

Me: Oh, I know this one. Sleep, you can't fool me this time. You would lure me to take those ten minutes, and then BANG! I'd wake up by afternoon.

Sleep: But still, you want that ten minutes. You can’t help yourself. I've trapped your sub conscious mind in my we of deception. You know that if you sleep ten more minutes, you’ll only wake up sleepier; that you should get up, that you have the will to get up somewhere in your mind. But it’s a futile attempt, as my might over your brain is stronger than you.

Me: Nooooooooooooo, I have.. have to wake up.

Sleep: Give in, sleepyhead.

Me: .....No..I....won't...sleep...

Sleep: One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep. Four.

Me: Owwwwhhh, well....

Sometime later, that day.

Me: Wait, did I fall asleep for a second? How much time passed?

Sleep: It is 11:45 am. You slept for 13 hours !

Me: No fucking way.

Checks phone.

Me: WTF! 23 missed calls. 6 missed calls from tech lead and 9 from le crush at office.

Sleep: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! My work here is done, have a good day, loser!

Me: Let me apply for the leave. I'm so screwed. You're so mean, sleep. I swear I'll wake up at time tomorrow.

Sunday, October 21

Day 80: It's Okay To Cry.

“I have been crying," she replied, simply, "and it has done me good. It helps a woman you know, just as swearing helps a man.” 
― Horace Annesley Vachell, The Romance of Judge Ketchum

Don't ask me to stop when I am crying, just hold me for I might need it. You have no right to tell me how to feel. People often ask me to help them to be strong, to help them to hold on to their pieces. Anyone can try and survive for one more day, we need to live and to look up to the next morning. People have these strange inhibitions like crying is a sign of the weak. I would say, "That is bullshit."

Tears are okay. They are a part of you which you need to let go. When a lot of pain has accumulated within you, it needs to be flushed out. The kidney filters out all the nitrogen from your bloodstream which is our daily intake along with oxygen. If you remember the percentage of nitrogen in air is about 70. So is the ratio of pain and happiness around you. It okay to let your body filter out what isn't needed. There is no point in holding back all the hurt, all the grudges within you. It will just harm you.

Let go. Cry. It helps. Well, it always helps me. I let go, when I've been strong for too long. I am not ashamed. If a girl cries, she isn't doing drama, it just helps her as it helps men when they swear. It can't get worse, it will only get better. There is a certain darkness needed to see the stars.

Tuesday, October 16

Day 78: He Writes, Let Me Have This.

I wake up in the morning right next to you, your face being the first thing I see. You’re asleep, with your eyes firmly shut, lost in peaceful dreams. For a minute I just look at you. I start from your sleep ruffled mane careless sweeping across your face. My attention shifts down to your forehead, your chubby cheeks, your ears. Your adorable ears. I reach out to you and remove the silky tresses away from your face.

I look down to your nose. Your cute little nose. The curve above your lip, down to your top lip. The birthmark just above it, where I kiss every time I possibly could. Your lower lip. Your chin. Your jawline. I love all of i. I want to remember everything. Let me be like this, I am absorbing you.

Just let me have this. Let me have this moment. Let me have you.

A thin streak of sunlight makes it way into the bedroom through the little spaces between the curtains. The sun is soft yellow and filtered by gray. I can hear a light breeze, a distant alarm clock, a ruffle as you try to snuggle into my chest, trying to fit into the space left between us. I can hear a few more sounds outside, birds chirping, people on the streets talking, the cycle bell of the morning newspaper boy, the sound of local vendors selling tea and food. The day has started, and the world has started to turn.

This is my favorite moment. I mean, I absolutely love when we’re awake together, obviously. I love when we take walks and go to parties. I love when you talk aimlessly about absolute anythings. I love when we go to movies and have food together, I love everything about being awake together. But this, right now, when we’re cuddled together, under the warm covers, me half-asleep and you unaware and unconscious  is the time I love most.

Who knows what will happen when you wake up? When you wake up, anything could happen. Or nothing could happen. I could lose you. Or we could fall more in love. But it’s a risk. It’s always a risk. I don't expect anything from you right now. The next moment could change what we have, forever. And now, in this little moment right here, before we wake up, before our day begins, it’s quiet. It’s simple. It’s nice.

Just let me have this.

Let me savor the dripping magic of your peaceful face. Let me listen to your heart beating right next to mine. Let me keep listening to your breathing. Let me feel your warmth oozing out from your milky skin. Let me have you. Let me have this.

This is all I think about waking up next to you. Let me have this.
Just let me have this.

P.S. I wanted to write something from a guy's perspective. I would have loved if someone wrote this for me.

Monday, October 15

Day 77: Dear World: Fuck Off.

Dear world,

Stop questioning me because I choose to have my own beliefs. You are religious. Fine. You have issues with homosexual people. Fine. You don't wear short clothes, because you aren't comfortable in your own skin. Fine. Don't expect me to do the same. Stop whispering when I walk into a room. I DON'T like attention, nor do I like "the limelight". I have enough of shine in me to make someone's day bright. Stop asking me to quit smoking, i have my reasons. If my one picture with cigarette induces an urge in you to smoke, will my hundred pictures without no cigarettes make you quit smoking? Stop telling me what to wear and what not to. I am in love with my body and I love the skin in live in. Stop judging me if I have more male friends, or if I am good to someone of the opposite sex. It only means, I admire that person and I share a good connection with him. Stop calling me easy, just because I go out with people. People in my life certainly don't have a problem with that, and you aren't certainly one of the either. Stop making faces when I am open about issues like prostitution, gay marriages, pornography and sexual assaults. These are some major issues concerning the youth today. Admit it, you have all of them at the back of your mind too. Stop calling me a bitch because I speak what I have in my mind. Don't hate what you don't understand. Stop telling me I always remain secluded from the crowd. It is by choice not chance, I don't even like most of you. Stop judging me, when you hardly ever tried to get over the opinions you have had of me.

Guess what, I don't even know you exist.
Thank you.

Fuck Off.

Tuesday, October 9

Day 71: People always, leave.

Sometimes, you wonder why people come into your life, if they have to walk out of it after all. They make you feel, they make you fall, they give you memories just so that every bit of it could be crumpled and thrown away in rusted dustbins laying unattended outside the apartments built over the decades, where the cracked walls and peeled off paint are louder than the horns of the vehicles under broken street lights. 

If only goodbyes meant for today and the faking smiles were real, she wouldn't have walked away with closed eyes and her lips sealed. Soon it will be cold enough to build fires in the house made of red bricks, where she decided to plant her little dreams in a glass mug filled with mud and pebbles, topped with a pocket full of sunshine.

Three hours and thirteen minutes isn't enough to know someone, but getting to know someone is too overrated when all they want to do is hear about all the people who belonged in the past ignorant about the chance they have been given today to make it to someone's tomorrow. Sometimes Everytime, you have to accept it, pick yourself up and move the fuck ahead. You get connected, you give then a chances, you give them love, you give them your everything. 

No matter what you do, people always leave.

The three paragraphs above,
have no connection whatsoever
yet are strongly connected by strings
of feelings
attached to every memory
of someone
who came like a cold gust of wind
and destroyed
everything while they left.

Tuesday, October 2

Day 62: You Are More Than You Show

In life we meet so many people, but very few touch your soul in a way no one else could. It is just a moment and they actually seem to have an everlasting impact on your mind and moreover your thoughts. You never seem to have ever liked someone in a way you like them. It isn't easy telling someone you love them, because people expect a lot more from you. People are afraid to show their true selves, they are afraid to open up themselves before others because they don't want to get hurt. The past buried deep in the pits filled with grass and autumn leaves is their reason of not accepting that today can be better. They cover their faces with masks of ignorance and pretend to be immovable. Don't hide your true self in the heaps of silence that surround you. Don't you dare think you are not good enough. Don't be afraid to be in love. Feel whatever you want to. Stop restricting your mind from flying away to fields of unknown happiness. Be crazy, take a chance. You just want them to know you as 'what' you show. I know you are more than this.

Something no one has ever told you, you are so much more than what you show.

Wednesday, September 26

Day 56: You Were A Part Of My Story.

People use me to write their stories and then they close the book as soon as the chapter is over. This time I'm going to use them in my little stories; make them a part of something that didn't last. In the end I'm going to be glad because I didn't put a punctuation at the end of it. There are days when I feel beautiful because that’s how he has made me feel and I often wish that I could see myself through his eyes to find out for myself if it's true, if I was more than the loveless, lifeless, inhumane soul that walked around bent over with the lint of the past weighing down the pockets of my worn out jeans with these daydreams that I gave away to yesterday because the little fancy stories we tell each other of tomorrow are worth so much more than anywhere my mind has taken me before, limitations that he broke down with his smiles and the way he believes I’m more than I was then and perhaps now I am exactly what he thinks I am because there is so much about me that I overlooked, so much that he made me realize, everything that I once forgot, that I was meant to shine. I see all that love people send to me on social networking sites these days, that one hate mail doesn't suffice enough to spoil my day. I have realized that when you are up to something you will always have followers along with haters, but that's alright. Eminem once said that if you have enemies, that means you stood up for something. You will find a way out of all the mess, all the hate and self destruction. I'm exactly where I deserve to be, and exactly what i need to be- happy. But, life wasn't the same before. A pebble needs to pass through rough waters to be polished, but for me it was high tides and waterfalls. Consider yourself lucky to have been a part of my life, someday.

Sunday, September 23

Day 53: Letters You Don't Deserve.

There are a hundred messages and mails, unsent, in my drafts folder. They are the ones i write to you but I won't, ever send them to you. You do not deserve to read them. You do not belong anywhere in my memories. Remember all those days you thought I will never get over you? Well, you were wrong. You have been replaced, you have been erased. You never existed. I think about you, only when I realize how easy you've made my life by walking out of it. Just saying, they are no 'I still miss yous' in the drafts, its just "Oh I am so happy I decided to cut you off my flesh and throw you away. I am glad you aren't a part of my life anymore." I have to thank you for letting me know what I was worth. It definitely wasn't you. I am tough, but I am worth it. Someone knows that. I won't sing songs like Somebody I used to know. This is a big happy thank- you- note for you. Hope you have a wonderful life ahead.


Monday, September 17

Day 48: Answer To Mr. Anonymous

On the first day at office, I made a statement in the Biz skill session, "I believe in giving chances, I just don't believe everyone deserves them." Today we had an anonymous QnA session where someone asked me of whether such a statement on the first day is a sign of hostility or unfriendly vibes. The question was too long for me to remember specifically. 

People who know me as a person know very well that I'm a compassionate and forgiving person. The upcoming sentences would be a series of Is and Mes. I'm learning how to avoid using them. What I meant by chances is specifically the ones we give to people when they wrong us intentionally or unintentionally. (it wasn't about first chances) I give them to everyone, yes everyone. You've got to communicate to reach out to anyone, that includes me. Take chances, I do not bite or scare people away. I am NOT hostile or out of reach. As a matter of fact I love to interact with people of different mindset and age groups. Faces are always intriguing.

Yes, I don't believe everyone deserves chances. Trusting people is your decision, proving you right or wrong is theirs. I've been a lot on the negative receiving side of these trust games, still I don't have trust issues like others. I've just learnt to draw a line, I have learnt where to stop. People only hurt you when you give them a chance to do so. If someone hurts you again and again, claiming that they love( again, please love is very general, its not romantic love specifically) you. Stop it, give up. You don't need to be strong and hold on. Better things and better people will find a way to you only if you let go of the good.

P.S. Dear stranger, I am sure you won't waste a hundred chances of your life with one such a person either.

Sunday, September 16

Day 47: Do What You LOVE What You Do.

Hello world,

Its been a while I posted something here. Office has kept me off the blog from a while. The only person I am still trying to understand and know more is me. Its really intriguing how soon your mind set changes. There are so many reasons which could trigger them, people, place or just time. For a while I thought I was sorted and that I knew what I wanted. Finally. But lately, I see the same me that I was two years down the memory lane. Confused, insecure and aimless. Maybe I wanted that for a change. From the last two days I've been thinking a lot. The change in place has changed my mindset to an extent, that I simply cannot turn away and walk it off.

My mind is confused between what I expect out of my work and how I work it out. Isn't this a decision we need to make almost at every step of life? I'm standing on a crossroad waiting for a magical sign to appear and tell me which way to lead. My mind is shifting every moment, in fact its only moving in a direction away from what I had set it to know and believe in. There is only thing I have realized lately, you gotta love things you do and do moreover do things you love if you want consistency. You have to find time for things you like to do. I'm going to do that. So, should you.


Thursday, September 6

Day 37: Marilyn Monroe| Love| Fashion| Inspiration

“I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else."

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe was known for her 'Marilynisms'- witty little bon mots, usually an expertly blended mix of innocent and coquette. Marilyn Monroe was doubtlessly one of the most loved famous people of all time.

Monday, September 3

Day 34: They Said We'll Never Make It.

They told me
that those moments
were never ours
which we
caught in between
a few memories
with our 
group of people

But at 2:43 am,
I didn't seem
to have known
that part of you
which claimed
to have
known every
bit of me
in a moment.

To take away
every single escape

Sunday, September 2

Day 33: Letters To Love #1

I kept pieces of you in open documents, half completed phrases and words lost on feelings inked on torn pages of an unending journal, of the things that were to be and the life I longed to have, thinking of the little happy memories we were going to make, when I tried not to give too much of my thoughts away, hiding in crumpled up scraps of paper pushed in the back pocket of my favorite jeans to weigh down my footsteps made lighter since I handed them to you, face hiding behind little hands as you smiled and moved them away to reveal my face lit up with the summer sunshine and eyes sparking with love in my heart telling me how you will make it all work out, telling me how you will make me stay.

Saturday, September 1

Day 32: 20 Things To Make Yourself Feel Better

  • Take a break from the internet. Log out from the social networking sites and go meet new people.

  • Visit a pet shop. These cute little animals are a sure shot in getting all the stress off your head.

  • Become a kid again. Jump on your bed and indulge in pillow fights.

  • Buy a bubble blower and blow big bubbles. You can make some on your own using soap or shampoo.

  • Go get yourself a spa. Nothing is more relaxing than a hair or body spa.

  • Write. Bleed on a typewriter, or scribble with a pencil. Just write.

Friday, August 31

Day 31: Letter To My Ex.

Dear almost lover,

This is the last letter I will ever write for you. The day has finally come when I can keep your memories in boxes in the attic, sweep thoughts of you under the carpet, and burn my black secrets to ashes. I wished for the existence of such an unbelievably surreal soul, that would sweep me off my feet, take me above the whites of the ninth cloud. I have realized I do not need a magical entity in my life because all it does is trap me in an illusion. I feel blinded by a sympathy and love isn't supposed to cloud our minds with fears and insecurities. You made me feel so unimportant, so objectified; I'm no less of a person I deserve to be treated like. I don't hate you, you are just insignificant. An unbelievably wonderfully beautiful reality has found me now and I believe we will be happy together. There are moments of sadness sometimes, but they are just the hollow flashbacks of your insincerity. The important thing is: we will live. Together. We'll need our rest, as tomorrow ushers a halo of happy moments that would sweep us off our feet all-together.

So goodbye, so long. I wish you luck in your solitary existence.

-Your could have been luck.

Screw everything 
and everyone else. 
I will fucking write.

P.S. This is an extract from chapter five of our book 23 Memories. Still writing.

Saturday, August 25

Day 25: How We Started Dating.

We started off as 'not like every other couple' when we started going out together seven months before. We had never seen each, nor talked to each other or known each other other in person. There is not pretty much I'd like to discuss about our lives in public but, there is something I WANT to share. We have had crushes before, well many of them. The only way to find out if it was more than that was to go with the stream of emotions and series of circumstances life was leading us into. The emotions intensified and we grew fonder. The common things that we shared, be it a fragrance or an artist, made each other intriguing. Slowly and steadily we reciprocated; got to know how entirely contrasting our personas were. This didn't in anyway change the minds we had set for each other. They say when you find your soul-mate, you just click. We clicked. We hadn't shared our little secret with the best of our mates, like every-time we did before. Maybe, because we weren't sure. We wanted to know, we wanted to explore. Believe me, when I say 'in a moment everything changed'. Neither one of us knows, when the 'i-more-than-like-you' changed to 'i-love-you'. Not many could accept this change, they made me re-think, they made me question myself, if this was true, and if it was going to last. I knew we were exclusive. I do not know what love means to you; to me it means feeling good about the kind of person you are and being around that person who makes you feel better about the same. To me love is platonic and unconditional, more than romantic. So, I love you, you and even you there.

"I know him in a way, you will never do. You will never understand."

I have no idea what tomorrow holds, neither do you. So don't question someone. All, i know and need to know is now is good.
So, let us live it.


Thursday, August 23

Day 23: Rebirthing.

My words may not be as polished as the words of others but I write them for you nonetheless, hoping one day they touch you. I don’t think that I've ever before wished for something with so much of my being as I do now. I long for the dead of winter, when the air is moist and the breaths are visible clouds. When the trees are on the verge of graying and the birds warm up their little chicks some more. When the world seems to be teetering on its edge, it’s magical, the way that in a few months everything stiffens, dies and after it passes, it turn grows once again into vibrant life. The snow melting under frozen toes, smoke rising from the chimneys and the way the wind blows hair across reddened freckled cheeks until we can inhale new air, dewy with the droplets of the spring harbinger on softened grass. I’ll never take it for granted, this death and rebirth. You are my unconditional consciousness. The truth is, without you I'm without feeling, without matter, without perception, and without determination. Let me kiss you with my soul, to steal a sigh.

Wednesday, August 22

Day 22: Extracts From Her Diary.

"Tomorrow morning I'll be sober and you'll still be beautiful."

Say this to me. Love is so mainstream, I want a good crazy. You can measure people’s level of stupidity by how many times in their lives they have fallen in love. There are these lovers I've had and liked, but who is 'mine'? I haven't quite found the man, who'd love me like I'm the best he'll ever do and I'd like to believe I've never really been in love yet. I don’t expect him to understand me. Sometimes I don’t even know what the hell is going on in my head. I'd do some crazy, if you are, but love me, love me crazy too. For someone who is dead on the inside I certainly have a lot of emotions & shit. Lots of amazing sex & laughing is my version of living happily ever after. Of course, no one night stands, sex comes to me with intimacy. I love you. I need you. I’ll change my life your you. Where do you live?

P.S. Old write ups; probably my mind a couple of months back.

Tuesday, August 21

Day 21: Be A Vagabond.

I want to travel the world; take a ticket to a random place, and get lost somewhere. I don't desire a lavish life nor do I want to slip on designer dresses. I wish to be independent and free, buy a camera and stuff it along with a thousand rupees in a huge side sling bag, put on my slippers and set out as a wild restless soul, having no place to stay, day dreaming and following the same in the whim of the moment. I'd like to buy a second hand sedan, mold it into a convertible and color it blue. I want to climb the hills when the peaks are white and swim ad-mist the corals when the sun shines bright. I want to capture the falling snow and the oceans and seas. I'd clean the windscreens or serve at tables in a shady bar and save some coins for us in a jar. We could break it later and fill my car with gas and drive, just drive with no destination. I want to be a vagabond, with no inhibitions in mind.

Monday, August 20

Day 20: A Story Untold.

There is a story I've been wanting to tell you of a little girl in the a white dress, and a boy out of the blue. No, this isn't a fairy tale, and neither am I singing this to you. Step into the dark with fire in your heart & clarity in your soul. This thirst is purely spiritual. Life has been shaken and fate will stir. She was a damsel in distress and he was a silver lining in a dark cloud. She hid her beauty in blood stained clothes and he hid his heart in a jar of bones. Her mind became a house full of broken mirrors and her skin had engraved on it fingerprints of insane desires. His heart became a sanctuary of unsung prayers and his body a temple of unknown pleasures. The words that ripple in reality have tempted fate this time. All the hurt, the pain and the miseries brought them close. She walked up to him with flowers in her hair and love in her heart, put her lips next to his and whispered, "Put me in an unknown trance, put me into a state I cannot recognize." Beneath this thick smoke of his solidarity was silence waiting patiently. She understood more when he said nothing at all. They found love in a hopeless place.

Sunday, August 19

Day 19: Verbal Seduction

I want to write you a song that you could read and find yourself in-between the lines and stanzas or relate to in the rhyming couplets as that's what it would speak of, if only I had the coherence and skill to put my words together in such a lyrical way which would seduce your mind breaking the walls around your glasshouse heart reaching your very own vulnerability while you submerge in thoughts of my summer scent, finding way out of the temptation yet incapable of resisting my very own sultry skin and be-witchery, until i have had enough of these chasing games and i let you crash into me, just you and I, would you feel (my love) me then?

Saturday, August 18

Day 18: My Space Boy.

We travel on the spiraling roads of the Milky Way and dip our hands in the cool black waters of the universe trying to catch the stars in our hands and blow them in each other’s faces while our childish laughter rings out in our hollow chambers. The first star of all this milky constellation, far lovelier than any nymph of wood in the furthest corner of the rain forest. My heart would never push you away. It would fold you deep in its craters where nothing can harm you and together we will rule the tides to kiss the shore it dearly loves until the shore learns to love it back and embrace it with its warm arms. My dim cooling light in the twilight will light your way until you find yourself following my footprints slipping into a hole of ecstasy. Oh, my Space Boy, what a wonderful journey in the space, since I've been free falling with you. Oh, my Space Boy, how I wish my Stellar Soul would never wake up from this celestial dream.

Friday, August 17

Day 17 : Avoid Some People.

Forgiveness might be a virtue, but only when done right. Is it utterly important that we learn to forgive 'everyone' who has wronged us? Accept apologies, only when a person wants to change. Anyone can say sorry, what matters is what they do to make it better. Some people have too much ego to ever bend down. They are going to repeat the same anyway. Its easier to forget than forgive. Believe me, ignorance is a bliss. You must not be nothing short of happy.

NoteToSelf: You think I care. Who were you anyway!

Thursday, August 16

Day 16: The Grass Is Greener On Your Side.

source: tumblr

Every person you meet is just looking for their story, like your are. You might now go ahead and say, no I'm looking for love, for peace of mind, for relationships, for making someone's living better. Alright, but isn't that a part of the story too? The story which someone has been writing for all of us. There you go, you are free to be opinionated. A lot of you might not believe in destiny or God's way of making checklists and action plans. Count me in that too. In my opinion, there is no fate, fate is what we do, what we decide; but there is serendipity. Serendipity is such a wonderful thing, if you don't know it already by now. 

Everybody is waiting for serendipity to happen to them, but all of us lack the most important ingredient- patience(this works like Chemical X for the whole scene). Every person wants to write their own story, some take chances, while some wait, but in all this chaos you form a part of their story. There are no exceptions to this. You will have to accept that every happy deed is an act of selfishness for someone, you just need to make sure, you're on the brighter side. Your call. Every second you spend with the wrong person, is a second wasted in reaching love. Stop compromising. A brand new ignorance is better than sympathy love. So, are you on the side where the grass in greener?

Day 15: A Thousand Desires Each.

I want to write
but all I can think of
are threads of
unfulfilled desires
crisscrossing across
the walls
of my brain
making a disarray of knots
however, I simply cannot 
see the knot
well enough
to untangle it.

Wednesday, August 15

Day 14: Wedding Bells.

Let me tell you something outright, for a very long period in my life I've been an anti- marriage person. Don't ask me why! We've gotta discuss and share some better things, things like, how a wedding vow gets me so very awed. That might sound like a cliche, but you have just the little bit of idea about me stranger. "To hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." You sure have heard this one.

source: tumblr
wish #23

I want to have the most awesome-st proposal ever. I'll am going with the one I love, it hardly matters if I get married or not, but hey, I'm a girl and I'm amazing and just like you I want a grand proposal- one which the world knows about. Sometimes I get hopelessly romantic and cheesy, but we all deserve to have the time of our lives.

Every girl has thought of her moment of lifetime. So, how would you want it? 

Tuesday, August 14

Day 13: My Legs Are More Than Nice.

Well, when the rest of the world is talking of women empowerment I'm talking of legs. Yes, you got it right. Being a woman in a man's world is tough. You need to be worried if your legs are in great shape, that if your chocolates and cakes are doing good to them, you need to get waxed, get your toes manicured. So much pain for the walking pair. A bucket full of joy when you jump and play in the muddy puddles, a memory when you leave foot prints on the sand at the beach, a sense of freedom when you move to the music while you dance or just swaying them along sitting with your friends at the college walls. If you are a woman, it is all about your legs honey- you either spread them or you stand up strong for what you believe in and go stomping on everyone who comes your way.

Cheers! Happy Feet.

Monday, August 13

Day 12: Today Is Happy.

Its totally two months to my birthday, and I'm making my plans already. The color of 'the dress', things I'm going to do, making my birthday wish list. Gosh, i don't know if its true for every girl out there, but am shupeerdupeertrooper excited. "Okay, phew don't scare them." Calm the fuck down. Today  he has been happy flirting with me the whole day, I feel so loved and beautiful, more than before. Its great to be loved and to be in love. *touch wood*

Lose yourself to Love. Trust Me. Trust Yourself.

I made myself happy today again. Well, you can do that too. Go buy yourself some chocolate. Yes, like right when you wake up. This is so random and crazy, but hey I am just happy.

P.S. I'm making a mini aqua. Will keep you little monsters updated.


*eats chocolate like a boss* (DARK CHOCOLATE)

Sunday, August 12

Day 11: Share a word.

"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing."

One of the most beautiful things I came across in the internet today, had to share it with you. Share some of your favorites with me here. <3

source: somewhere on tumblr

Day 10: A lot like me.

image: tumblr
Sometimes sitting idle, just somewhere on your bed, munching on popcorn while watching your favorite flick, or crossing the road carefully in between vehicles gushing past you, staring into the starry sky or watching the rain drops fall into small muddy puddles, have you felt that maybe somewhere in a world just like ours, there might be someone feeling exactly the same as you do at that very moment, someone thinking of someone like you right then, that if you existed.

Well, if there is someone somewhere thinking about someone like them (which is also quite like me) here is a 'Hello'. I know you are there, know that I'm here too. 

Thursday, August 9

Day 9: Sometimes I Fall Apart.

Have you ever had this feeling when everything seems so perfect in your life on the outside, but you are not happy within.You feel as if everything in your life is finally getting better, but then suddenly at one clock second everything starts falling apart.What do you do then? Run away. Who do you run to? Your almost lover? But for how long?
When you know that someone loves you without knowing why or beyond any doubts or pride. You should be happy right? What is still occupying the mind? What's still driving you insane? What if it's something else. What if things aren't working how you should? Life doesn't just revolve around love, there is so much more to it. And I see, these people who should be content, who should be happy running after a love in life. And what about me, when I have that one thing that everyone else needs, but something else in my life is not okay, not alright. Sometimes I just want to runaway. From everything, beyond anyone's reach. Will they ever try to find me? Will they still keep fighting? Will things change?

Maybe if I died.


Day 8: Blissful Ignorance.

I don't love you like a plant loves its little buds
That will grow up to be a ripe fruit someday
I don't love you like rich women love diamonds
That shine in the glam and glitter of elite parties

I love you like I should love a certain darkness
Where I'd run to and hide when i have no place
I love you without knowing why I was with you
At first place, that very day of blissful ignorance

P.S. I've been writing my next chapter for the book, so there are these little posts and poems from some days. I'll write a post on a deeper note tomorrow. Did I tell you requests, or questions will be replied. :) Leave me in comments or the shout box. I'll reply in the posts.


Wednesday, August 8

Day 7: You Are Me

You are me, and I am you. 

We are a soul wrapped up in two mortal bodies with a bright gray ribbon on it. I'll loose myself to you, or you loose you to me. Its still you in the me, or, its still ..


Monday, August 6

Day 6: Some Words To Say

I could never love someone so much that I'd stand by and let them disrespect and hurt me. But maybe that was just me. The answer you've been looking for exists within yourself. In the silence between my lifetime I found love. Funny how words can be confusing but a good soul shines through. You are certainly wrapped up in a delightfully beautiful package, but, it's the intangible things that I love. I loved you before I saw you hiding between the rays of light and a shade of darkness.. These words are so familiar, they are as familiar as the air that I breathe. 

Day 5: Remind Yourself- You're beautiful.

I get this a lot from people around me. I feel more than glad when people consider me worthy and look up to me as someone who they can share their deepest thoughts with. Sometimes the hardest decision is to decide whether to give up or to fight harder. We all need to feel wanted, loved, adored. If you feel that your love is slipping away, do everything in your power to convince them to stay. Always fight with everything you have to get what you want Just use tact, respect, compassion and kindness NOTHING is out of reach. But then sometimes, all the efforts you put into it, might go in vain. Don't worry it's jut their loss and your gain. You will become stronger, you will learn a lot and find someone new again. Love never leaves people like us. Always remember, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you're beautiful.

Saturday, August 4

Day 4: I am a canvas.

I am just a blank canvas for you to write on. I never been here, or even close to wherever this is we are right now, lost in a stream of raw emotions that wrap around our skin with a sickly sweet scent of a morning kiss whenever I wake up right next to you with your arms that cover me and protect me from the cold outside the window pane by the warmth that your skin brings to mine, with a sense of belonging that I didn't find with anyone else as of now before I met you.

So paint my world of miseries and sorrows with the colors of this irresistible love affair such that there is no place left for anyone else to fill in with any other shade other than this.

with our entwined destinies I saw how restless you were today, there was something you were hiding, an old wound probably opened when the past came rushing down? Or maybe just a mood swing?; the corner of your eyes shimmered as the sunlight fell on your face, I love it when you try to be strong in front of me, When all I am there for is for you to fall back on, You can put on that smile, make fun of yourself to raise a laugh, Put on more makeup to hide the tracks those tears left on your face, But I’ll always be able to read, More than what meets.

but feel the unusual there will always be that shine I would trace that nobody else would. You know why? Because many might have kissed your appearance, none of all would have come through that far as I did. I utterly felt your soul from the bottom. And I accepted it as it is. With no modifications to set within. It was love yet mesmerizing. Even if we track two different paths in life, we ll have that notion of comprehending each other, because back in life, we have had those moments worth a dime. Infact worth more than what you could name

P.S. If you have a blog, or you like to write, mail me here: and I'll add it here, linking back to you.
P.P.S. I just realized the comment box here wont show up and i tried but couldn't fix it. Send in your post and your blog link on the chat box. :)

Friday, August 3

Day 3: Why did we meet, where we met?

I met a boy who asked me to
tell him who he was, and why
he was standing beneath the
afternoon sun, holding hands
with the girl a lot like me
in a place we did when,
he could be different to who he
was in any other place at all. 

I told him he was the shining star
of a moonless night, the warm sunshine
of a winter morning, the cool water
of a little crook when the sun shined 
high, that he was there, then
with me, because there wasn't a
place any better where he'd fit
with someone else

Thursday, August 2

Day 2: I wrote a song for you.

and it's a love song.

if we met, when we were little
the world could be seen
so much better

we'd hold hands when it rained
make paper boats 
that'd float in muddy rivers

we'd make sand castles
at the beaches
and think of our future

we'd make snow angels
when we'd have no school
during Christmas at December

we'd sit side by side
at the class passing messages
on torn papers

we'd buy some candies
at the fair
sit on rides together

but we are, here today
walking different places
writing letters to each other

someday if you find, this poem
in a box 
below the drafter

know that i'm still here
i haven't gone too far
in your smiles, in your laughter.

Wednesday, August 1

Day 1 : No insecurity

If you think things are always happening to you, then they are, like one day you happened to me. I began to see myself as wonderful and worthy of the love, I wanted and deserved. Love happens when you're not looking.

I remember when I was seventeen and in despair, I asked myself, "Why were you born?"
One day I went back to that little dreamer and hopeless romantic of seventeen and told her the reason; “To Love and be loved.”

I need to tell you that I have no ink, no paper but I write these hundred notes of you every day in my mind. One day I sat back down reopened the book and found the letters saying that if love was about possession then surely it was based on insecurity. With all the miles between us, and all the people around, there is a chance you or I might slip. And there are times I can't make my words reach out to you. Sometimes, you're just too far away. 

The thought of your heart beating right next to me and your love so intense and unconditional leaves me with absolutely no insecurity.

Love is helping the other to be free.

I Love you, Be free.

Tuesday, July 31

Just Listen.

My heart has been hurt countless times, beating pieces which i carefully hid in a tainted glass jar underneath the shade of twilight, while the sun rises everyday for the rest of the world, for there is an imminent desire for it to be found again. I've been a wrist cutter, yes. (no, no wait a second i am in NO way suggesting you to even give it a thought) Slitting wrists, hurting myself gave me immense satisfaction. There was a phase when i was a loner, not by luck but by choice. The suicidal feelings didn't seem to go no matter how much i tried to push it away. (well, i don't think that i did try, but err)You get addicted to a certain kind of sadness and you start revolving your life around it.

"Hey! You are making them sad. Don't give negative vibes."

Just listen to me today, i promise there is a happy ending to it. No matter how much you try to knit sweaters of detachment to keep away from the cold to find an impassive you within, there seems to be no escape when it is love who ends up finding you; even if the doors are sealed shut-it will continue to knock anyway, to unlock the path you have closed. It will come as a gush of warm summer wind, in your nights filled with the chill of autumn cold and will rain on the unyielding  resentments which you've embraced on for too long. I know when you first came in my life, it was difficult for me to open up one more time, letting myself be vulnerable, realizing just how much I can give you— permitting you to shack up inside my aching heart. Whenever I was doubtful, you held on to me with all the strength, pleading me to realize what we have now is true. I believe you. Its too late to go back now, I don't want to waste a moment today thinking about tomorrow. You are filling up my heart every time we create new memories. There will be a day when nothing will haunt me anymore.

We all get chances, that chance took me more than you think..
Don't close the door behind you. Someday someone will walk into your life, and all the hurt will make sense to you. Hold on to that feeling.

Monday, July 30

All the things she never said.

Wish you were here. Wish I was there. Wish it was any different than this. Wish wishes came true. I'd wish for you.

You said you'll never call me again. I hate people who break their promises. Sometimes I think the only reason you still contact me is just to remind me that you exist, whenever you fade away in my memories. You want to remind me that you're still out there, and that I'm still waiting. Now that you've moved on, you know there might be many ways to get hurt, but i choose you. It isn't scary to choose. Scary is when you don't have a choice. I was actually going to think you wanted to be with me. Getting a girl isn't a big deal (although you made a girl like me fall for you, boy you got something) but keeping her is. You've got a new girl now and you're doing quite well without me. You left love, you aren't going to tell me how to remember you.

I'm happy for you. Now fuck off.

P.S. I don't feel any of this right now.
P.P.S. For a while in my life I actually did.

Sunday, July 29

Let It Be.

"And when the night is cloudy there is still a light
that shines on me. Shine until tomorrow, let it be."

The problem with us is that we worry too much about things that might never happen at all. We burden our mind with scars of tomorrow. You. Yes you there. Stop right there for a moment. Things that haven't happened, odds are that they might not happen either. And even if they do, you’ll make it through. You have loved & lost and got over with it. You fell, got a wound and it healed, You caught flu and now here you are, relishing the huge dollop of ice- cream again. We slip, we fall so that we can pick ourselves up, pull the pieces together and start moving again. 

So you loved and lost. Does that in any way imply you start hating your life and everyone around you? Life is too short for regrets. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful. You deserve to be loved. Not every guy you like is going to turn out to be a total asshole. Go on dates, kiss someone you like; let it be. Love will find its way. 

So, a girl broke your heart and you contemplate every girl as a bitch. Who are you fooling? Building walls around you because you want someone to try enough to break them and find you. What if you were so busy creating a wall after another and all the while ignored that someone? People will not give up on you. Don’t give up on life. 

So, everyone judges you on how you speak, what you wear and who you socialize with? It’s okay. Let them talk. They've got nothing better to do. They are themselves living a shallow life; you are just a subject of discussion. They are irrelevant. Pour yourself a drink, dab some lipstick and go shine like you are meant to.

I do not hate 'a lot' of people. I overlook them, they’re just insignificant. Yes they are. I'm so busy loving my life already that there is no place for any negatives. There is a great time to start everything. Your time is now.

le me plays 'let it be' on the walkman again.

P.S. Listen to The Beatles. 

Love, V.

Thursday, July 26

Get hurt. Get inspired.

Be sad, be heart broken, be in pain. 

What is she saying? She must be out of her mind.

If you love someone let them go; agony is best for inspiration. You know what light is because you've been in the dark. Remember that state of happiness you feel when you have a bar of chocolate? It’s because you have tasted the glumness in a spoon full of medicine when you fell sick. We always contemplate that being happy is a state of existence which we need to procure. That is because we have been conditioned that way, while we were growing up. A hundred authors, including a handful of who inspire me, keep on telling us to be happy, to be content. 

“Objection, My Lord.” 

“How are you supposed to be content and happy when you constantly want to acquire something?" (Yeah, Yeah, I'm talking of happiness)

Believe me when I say, I am a person who has constantly been running all my life; sometimes I do not know after what. I've been searching happiness, searching for my soul mate, searching for the light, looking for hopes. I've never been content, and stopping was never a resort for me. 

Until one moment, and I realized I was missing out on something, I was missing out on life. You need to be more open to everything. Be vulnerable. You’ll get hurt, but then so what? Haven’t you already, no matter how much you restricted yourself? Admit it, we have these little insecurities. "What if the person I love likes someone more than me?" Holding on to people just because you love them is stupid. If it isn't working let it go, you deserve to smile, you're wonderful. The only person you need to hold on to, is yourself. Be fearless. The light is with you. 

Get hurt. Get inspired. 

Well maybe I'm crazy, but what are you? 

Wednesday, July 25

i was here.

“Never to go on trips with anyone you do not love.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Every second of existence spent with you is inked in my memory. 
So what if I wasn't there with you then? What if I was with someone else? What if someone else replaced you in the memory? 

It would never be the same like now. 

I wouldn't be walking tipsy toed, hung-over with your presence, dressed the faint smell of cigarette and wine, your finger prints engraved on my wrists and violet- blue marks on my skin. I wouldn't feel so blissful, seeing pictures of you scattered all over my floor. I’d close my eyes and see another face in my blurry vision. I’d try to run away and reach a place filled with voices other than you. My thoughts and beliefs would be shaded and inconsistent again. I’d move all around in circles and shout out in every direction, “Come back. I don’t want anyone else.” I’d lose all hope of finding you. Now, if we take it back to the start right where I met you, there i was , so that you can find me. So that I can write this story about you.