Tuesday, July 31

Just Listen.

My heart has been hurt countless times, beating pieces which i carefully hid in a tainted glass jar underneath the shade of twilight, while the sun rises everyday for the rest of the world, for there is an imminent desire for it to be found again. I've been a wrist cutter, yes. (no, no wait a second i am in NO way suggesting you to even give it a thought) Slitting wrists, hurting myself gave me immense satisfaction. There was a phase when i was a loner, not by luck but by choice. The suicidal feelings didn't seem to go no matter how much i tried to push it away. (well, i don't think that i did try, but err)You get addicted to a certain kind of sadness and you start revolving your life around it.

"Hey! You are making them sad. Don't give negative vibes."

Just listen to me today, i promise there is a happy ending to it. No matter how much you try to knit sweaters of detachment to keep away from the cold to find an impassive you within, there seems to be no escape when it is love who ends up finding you; even if the doors are sealed shut-it will continue to knock anyway, to unlock the path you have closed. It will come as a gush of warm summer wind, in your nights filled with the chill of autumn cold and will rain on the unyielding  resentments which you've embraced on for too long. I know when you first came in my life, it was difficult for me to open up one more time, letting myself be vulnerable, realizing just how much I can give you— permitting you to shack up inside my aching heart. Whenever I was doubtful, you held on to me with all the strength, pleading me to realize what we have now is true. I believe you. Its too late to go back now, I don't want to waste a moment today thinking about tomorrow. You are filling up my heart every time we create new memories. There will be a day when nothing will haunt me anymore.

We all get chances, that chance took me more than you think..
Don't close the door behind you. Someday someone will walk into your life, and all the hurt will make sense to you. Hold on to that feeling.

Monday, July 30

All the things she never said.

Wish you were here. Wish I was there. Wish it was any different than this. Wish wishes came true. I'd wish for you.

You said you'll never call me again. I hate people who break their promises. Sometimes I think the only reason you still contact me is just to remind me that you exist, whenever you fade away in my memories. You want to remind me that you're still out there, and that I'm still waiting. Now that you've moved on, you know there might be many ways to get hurt, but i choose you. It isn't scary to choose. Scary is when you don't have a choice. I was actually going to think you wanted to be with me. Getting a girl isn't a big deal (although you made a girl like me fall for you, boy you got something) but keeping her is. You've got a new girl now and you're doing quite well without me. You left love, you aren't going to tell me how to remember you.

I'm happy for you. Now fuck off.

P.S. I don't feel any of this right now.
P.P.S. For a while in my life I actually did.

Sunday, July 29

Let It Be.

"And when the night is cloudy there is still a light
that shines on me. Shine until tomorrow, let it be."

The problem with us is that we worry too much about things that might never happen at all. We burden our mind with scars of tomorrow. You. Yes you there. Stop right there for a moment. Things that haven't happened, odds are that they might not happen either. And even if they do, you’ll make it through. You have loved & lost and got over with it. You fell, got a wound and it healed, You caught flu and now here you are, relishing the huge dollop of ice- cream again. We slip, we fall so that we can pick ourselves up, pull the pieces together and start moving again. 

So you loved and lost. Does that in any way imply you start hating your life and everyone around you? Life is too short for regrets. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful. You deserve to be loved. Not every guy you like is going to turn out to be a total asshole. Go on dates, kiss someone you like; let it be. Love will find its way. 

So, a girl broke your heart and you contemplate every girl as a bitch. Who are you fooling? Building walls around you because you want someone to try enough to break them and find you. What if you were so busy creating a wall after another and all the while ignored that someone? People will not give up on you. Don’t give up on life. 

So, everyone judges you on how you speak, what you wear and who you socialize with? It’s okay. Let them talk. They've got nothing better to do. They are themselves living a shallow life; you are just a subject of discussion. They are irrelevant. Pour yourself a drink, dab some lipstick and go shine like you are meant to.

I do not hate 'a lot' of people. I overlook them, they’re just insignificant. Yes they are. I'm so busy loving my life already that there is no place for any negatives. There is a great time to start everything. Your time is now.

le me plays 'let it be' on the walkman again.

P.S. Listen to The Beatles. 

Love, V.

Thursday, July 26

Get hurt. Get inspired.

Be sad, be heart broken, be in pain. 

What is she saying? She must be out of her mind.

If you love someone let them go; agony is best for inspiration. You know what light is because you've been in the dark. Remember that state of happiness you feel when you have a bar of chocolate? It’s because you have tasted the glumness in a spoon full of medicine when you fell sick. We always contemplate that being happy is a state of existence which we need to procure. That is because we have been conditioned that way, while we were growing up. A hundred authors, including a handful of who inspire me, keep on telling us to be happy, to be content. 

“Objection, My Lord.” 

“How are you supposed to be content and happy when you constantly want to acquire something?" (Yeah, Yeah, I'm talking of happiness)

Believe me when I say, I am a person who has constantly been running all my life; sometimes I do not know after what. I've been searching happiness, searching for my soul mate, searching for the light, looking for hopes. I've never been content, and stopping was never a resort for me. 

Until one moment, and I realized I was missing out on something, I was missing out on life. You need to be more open to everything. Be vulnerable. You’ll get hurt, but then so what? Haven’t you already, no matter how much you restricted yourself? Admit it, we have these little insecurities. "What if the person I love likes someone more than me?" Holding on to people just because you love them is stupid. If it isn't working let it go, you deserve to smile, you're wonderful. The only person you need to hold on to, is yourself. Be fearless. The light is with you. 

Get hurt. Get inspired. 

Well maybe I'm crazy, but what are you? 

Wednesday, July 25

i was here.

“Never to go on trips with anyone you do not love.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Every second of existence spent with you is inked in my memory. 
So what if I wasn't there with you then? What if I was with someone else? What if someone else replaced you in the memory? 

It would never be the same like now. 

I wouldn't be walking tipsy toed, hung-over with your presence, dressed the faint smell of cigarette and wine, your finger prints engraved on my wrists and violet- blue marks on my skin. I wouldn't feel so blissful, seeing pictures of you scattered all over my floor. I’d close my eyes and see another face in my blurry vision. I’d try to run away and reach a place filled with voices other than you. My thoughts and beliefs would be shaded and inconsistent again. I’d move all around in circles and shout out in every direction, “Come back. I don’t want anyone else.” I’d lose all hope of finding you. Now, if we take it back to the start right where I met you, there i was , so that you can find me. So that I can write this story about you.

Tuesday, July 17

we are close, we will make it.

I wish everyday could be like this: Starting and ending the day with you and spending the in between with you. Spending the whole day just talking, laughing, smiling, taking pictures, sleeping beside you. Just happiness. These past few months have been like one happy dream with a few bouts of nightmares but at least I woke up always knowing you are in my reach, and i that i could hear your voice when ever i wanted to and everything would fall in place. I couldn’t ask anything for more. Even if we go back to reality and can’t spend the entire day with each other now, I know we’ll be fine. Because we’ll always have each other. 

No matter the distance.

Thursday, July 12

Of live in relationships.

Let us start living together. Cuddle and squish while we fall sleep to reach the happy dreams. Wake up right next to each other; sunshine reflecting on the sleepy faces through the rain drop and dust tainted window panes. Make some scrambled eggs and two half- burnt toasts for breakfast. Dust the floor a little, spray a little perfume of garden- fresh happiness in the air. Paint the peeled off old walls of our large enough hall with colors of our dreams. Pulling you into the shower, let me kiss you with my cold wet lips. You take me by my hair, feeling my back. Ravage me with your bites and eager kneading hands. Comfortable and safe within your arms, wrapped up in sincerity of love and affection let me say your name one more time. Let us get lost in the woods, hand in hand and following feet. Take a thousand and one pictures and fill them in the book of our incomplete memories. When the night falls, watch a million of little stars together that light up our lives. Content and complete, let us fall asleep together for another day of bright sunlight.

Monday, July 9

Letters to love- l

I wrote this for you. I hope when you read this, you understand that you are being genuinely missed. I hope you know by now, that when i smile i don't always mean it, but it isn't the same when I'm around you. I hope you know i have so much pain and angst inside me, yet i squeeze out all the love left in me and pour it on you. I hope you know that it makes me happy when i know that i cross your mind for a moment. I hope you understand that i might be tough to handle at times but i want you to tell me, that we'll make it through. I hope you remember how i smell and how it feels when my lips touch you. I hope you realize you're special and I don't want to change a thing in you. I know you think about me, and you must know I think about you too.

thank you.

"It might sound crazy, but.." usually most of my ramblings start like this. Anger fuels productivity in my world. You said you'll never speak to me again. I hate people who break their promises. Part of me just wants to find the right words to hurt you. The same way you hurt me. But my soul doesn't want vengeance anymore. If you are no longer able to change a situation, change yourself. Too bad you aren't even worth my hate anymore. If I hate you, then you still exist. You are insignificant. I look so good without you, with all that love that I deserve, with the one who deserves all of my body and soul. I was never yours. I was always his. Maybe if you never came, and turned my whole world upside down, i would have never realized what i missed out on and who I belonged with. Thank you.

P.S. Dear boyfriend,
You were never theirs love, you were always mine.

Love, Girlfriend.

Sunday, July 8

Ain't no sunshine.

My mind is always running so I'm forever chasing my thoughts. I love that part where you're all sweet, strange and un-explainable yet aren't scared to share any of it. You have to move. Be it fall or fly. One must fly to earn wings. Without darkness, there is no significance of light. Without light, shadows can't dance. It's not the push we remember. It's the gentle nudge. I might be the fire that burns intensely, but you are the spark that ignites me. I won't say you make me complete or make me whole, but you definitely tend to fill up my voids. Paper cannot hold what words feel. Words cannot express what feelings need to say. When the night holds more than a promise, the moon holds more than its light. There ain't no sunshine darling, when you're out of my sight.

P.S. iwanttokissyoufromdawntosunsetandallthenight.

Saturday, July 7

I want to sleep with you.

It is that time of my life, where i practically am supposed to think every man is a moron. He is an animal who just wants to fuck the hell out of your soul, and not take a sigh. Its very normal to run after assholes who tend to act all tough and hard. That, precisely keeps a girl like me interested in him. Light another cigarette and say, "This time you're gonna give up that hard to get attitude. This time you will have to show you desire me too." Well, you are young, wild and your hormones are on the go. Love. This is such an overrated word. Although, it kind of has been a significant part of my upbringing. No I haven't been loved too much, as a matter of fact just the opposite. Everyone just expects a lot out of me. No one has ever loved me unconditionally. I have had my phases of not taking relationships seriously. I thought they never last. I knew they don't. They never did. Whenever things were supposed to be fine, i fucked it all up. I wanted to be free, unchained and irresponsible. There is this thing with men. They show they are all yours, and they want you be too. The point is, they just show. This time I am trying hard not to get hurt anymore. We have too many options when we want to sleep around, feel loved for a while. Have good sex. Fuck and chuck, and not even say good bye before you leave. All I have to say is i don't feel any of it anymore. This is something more, something worthwhile. I want to cuddle the fuck out of you. And hence, I'm taking a chance. I'm falling even more in love with you.

Sunday, July 1

i want to talk of life.

There comes a point in our lives where you have to let go of things that never were. You have to let go of all the pointless drama & the people who create it. You need to let our thoughts fly, dream some more, fall in love maybe, one more time. You need to realize life is short, and you are running out of time, and you deserve to be nothing short of happy. You need to be sure of this life. Look at the sky; that is for you. Look at the people who you pass by every day. Find inspiration everywhere. Look into the mirror and repeat; "I'm Happy" until you start believing in it. Give yourself chance. Go explore new places, meet new people. Click infinite pictures, make memories. Take a wrong turn, get lost in places unknown. Say yes. Never hide your real self. You are fucked up, but there will still be a sucker who likes you the same. Yes, I met mine. That one is a darling. 

You were born because you are going to be important to someone.