Day 83: Morning Debate With Sleep.
Me: Fuck. What the hell is that sound?
Sleep: It is your favorite song. The same song you dance to every Friday at the club. Sounds pretty irritating right now, isn't it? Shut the goddamn alarm and throw the phone away.
Me: No, I have to wake up. I turned it on last night. I don't know why I turned it on though.
Sleep: Wake up? No. Why wake up when you can still drift to your dreams and follow Mr. Bunny to wonderland. There you can sit and have tea with Mr. cat and roam ad-mist big flower gardens and float in chocolate rivers reaching Mr. Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. There you can eat different flavored gummy balls and take a ride on Nimbus 2000 to Hogwarts.
Me: That sounds great, but I really do have to wake up.
Sleep: Excuse me, I'm trying to help you. What could possibly be more important than a date with Mr. Potter at the Whimping Willows?
Me: It is Monday. Have to get to the office.
Sleep: It can’t be as important as the magical wonderland of sleep. Listen, you need to find the magic box in the chamber of secrets. There is something for you in there. You have to complete the mission to win the game. You get choco frogs for every level you complete.
Me: But. But, the box isn’t real.
Sleep: If you don’t go back to sleep, you’ll be cranky and homicidal. You'll turn into a moody psycho. You’ll probably murder someone you love in a fit of sleepy rage. You will sleep in the sessions and gulp infinite cups of coffee. You will lit a cigarette at the break and throw the burning match stick on to the passers. Later, you shall come home and curse yourself for not sleeping enough. That is what sleepless people do, they get crazy !
Me: Oh, Sleep, you’re SO tempting.
Sleep: Your soul is mine!
Me: uhmmm. come here.
Sleep: Hey, there is someone knocking at your door. Probably your flatmate trying to wake you up. Is it considered social to wake up someone from their peaceful dreams and ask them to get on with the daily hustle bustle. What kind of a friend does that?
Me: You’re right, but I’ll have to see them eventually. Let me just open the door.
Sleep: Wait! Just listen to the tip tip of the rain drops on the window pane, that faint sound of your favorite chill playlist on the desktop. Could you dare to over power the magic of lullabies and the sound of distant honking horns of vehicles gushing past each other, ten floors below you? Imagine tripping on the distant crack of thunder, the sound of the air conditioner and the sound of you lost in blissful sleep — like a big fat cat squeezed in between blankets and pillows purring it way to glory.
Me: Ah, I wish. You always seduce me.
Sleep: Think of the articles you read on the internet about healthy sleep habits. People your age need 9-10 hours of quality sleep each night. You need almost as much sleep as a little baby. But the overpowering burden of society will always try to crumple the facts, and condition you to be mechanical, until one day your body is no more than bones and husk.
Me: Oh, I have a meeting with my tech lead today. I'm supposed to see him in an hour and half. I need to wake up and shower.
Sleep: Why not sleep for ten more minutes, shower in five minutes, and then you’ll still have a lot of time to take a cab to office.
Me: Oh, I know this one. Sleep, you can't fool me this time. You would lure me to take those ten minutes, and then BANG! I'd wake up by afternoon.
Sleep: But still, you want that ten minutes. You can’t help yourself. I've trapped your sub conscious mind in my we of deception. You know that if you sleep ten more minutes, you’ll only wake up sleepier; that you should get up, that you have the will to get up somewhere in your mind. But it’s a futile attempt, as my might over your brain is stronger than you.
Me: Nooooooooooooo, I have.. have to wake up.
Sleep: Give in, sleepyhead.
Sleep: One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep. Four.
Me: Owwwwhhh, well....
Sometime later, that day.
Me: Wait, did I fall asleep for a second? How much time passed?
Sleep: It is 11:45 am. You slept for 13 hours !
Me: No fucking way.
Me: WTF! 23 missed calls. 6 missed calls from tech lead and 9 from le crush at office.
Sleep: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! My work here is done, have a good day, loser!
Me: Let me apply for the leave. I'm so screwed. You're so mean, sleep. I swear I'll wake up at time tomorrow.