Monday, January 28

Day 180: In The Parallel Universe

Sometimes I feel that I'm not good enough.

I'm not living my life to the fullest. I know, there might be so many people reading this who already love me for what I am, for what I do. I've to juggle my life between writing for myself and for you, updating my pages, clicking pictures, posting a hundred of them, reading one more book, office, making my scrap book, learning something new, doodle, watch my favorite T.V. series, find time for friends and the list goes on.

There is so much more I want to do. I wish the day had more than 24 hours for me. I could start the video blog I've been wanting to for so long, go to two more companies for work; one as a journalist & another running an ad agency maybe or a lawyer, save some money and travel the world with him, buy a house and make it a home, give him hand made gifts and listen to fifty new tracks every single day.

This feeling makes my sub-conscious mind feel incomplete. Wishes and desires stimulate brain and the brain governs us. The essence of everything beautiful fades away and is taken over by remorse. Then feeling of 'not being good enough' drives me to go ahead. It's okay, love.

In the parallel universe, I'm ugly and happy.

Wednesday, January 23

Day 175: Diary: 23 Is Equal To One.

23rd January, 2013

Dear Diary,

Today is not just another 23rd, not just another month adding to our obsolete lives. It's the day, I don't know if I'd ever grow up to believe in the institution of marriage to call it 'the day', but yeah for now this is the one.

We completed a year together. I always thought I'd go all the way for a man who puts up with me for a year  or vice-versa. Funny as it may sound, none of my past relationships-slash-crushes-slash-ego issues-slash-idontevenknowhatthefuckwasthat never lasted for a whole twelve months. Sometimes, I made wrong choices, sometimes the man was not good enough for me and sometimes I fucked it all up. Then someone comes and you realize why it didn't work out with anyone else.

Thursday, January 17

Day 169: 10 Hindi Songs I Loved In High School

Here is a list of ten hindi songs I used to listen to a lot, back in high school. Here's to hoping you'd like the list too. Please wait for the videos to load.

Enjoy the playlist.

Thursday, January 10

Day 162: Texts I'd Like to Receive From My Ex: Part I

The Random Texts After 2 am

He: "Are you happy?"

Me: "Is this a time to ask? Why do you care, anyway?"

He: "I thought you loved me. You obviously love yourself more."

Me: "I thought we were done. After I realized that you are an ignorant, egoistic, self-centered and selfish man whose world revolves around himself. "

*a gap of eleven minutes*

He: "You are such a bitch."

Me: "Oh, you have no idea."

Thursday, January 3

Day 155: One day.

One day,
When I wake up at 3 am,
Unable to sleep,
I will look next to me,
and you will be there.
Sleeping peacefully beside me,
and suddenly,
the world won’t seem so lonely,

Wednesday, January 2

Day 154: Slutwalk India.

If I am raped tomorrow, Leave me on my own, Please don't forward messages for my sake, I am not worthy of your status' ache.

Don't give me your pity, Don't pray for my soul, You are the same people who did not care when I lay there in a hole.

Your E-protests are not getting me justice, Nor my sisters any protection, The government is going to sensitize the issue, just to win the coming election.

First they objectified me, Now the turn is yours, How dare I step outside, I am just meant for the household chores.

Don't console my father Don't try to cheer up my Mom, It's something you can forget tomorrow, but for them I'm forever gone.

I am dead now, Humanity died with me For I am a girl, I deserve every bit of this,I'm not to be seen equally.

This society is esoteric A 'fatal lie', a 'deadly truth' it propagates such evil, and is the one to protest that it is ruth.

It cries for me and still mocks my death for a few days later you'll all forget, hundreds like me will come and go, For we are all going to reap what we once did plow.

Years ago the seed was sown, 'She is a woman, she has to be tamed and made to moan'. Now live with it, and dance with joy, See her being meddled with, like a cheap plastic toy.

For she is a girl, she deserves every bit of this, for Her's is weak and Mightier is His!"

Every She.
Don't just join the cause. Be the cause.

If you want to be a part of this. Feel free to message me on my email given.


Tuesday, January 1

Day 153: Last Page Of Two-o-Twelve

Dear Diary,

I woke up next to him, cuddled in his arms; safe, secure and warm. Yesterday was one of the most amazing nights ever. It was probably the third time we went drinking together. I had previously thought that I would be spending the new year eve in a drunken corner of a shady bar, the air above me heavy with smoke, people dancing to bass and crazy beats as me and he sit down and watch them as one more tripping couple. Last evening was nothing of the sort. A couple of margaritas with some rum for me and scotch for him worked well. The smoking room was filled with people we never saw before. Each of them had story to tell. 

It's wonderful observing people; every face has a story, every person is a filled diary and they are looking for another, someone who can listen, somewhere they can write the next chapter. There are a few sounds I remember, a girl talking about some friend, someone pulling the chair abruptly, a waiter lighting someone's cigarette, but none of them play clearly in my head as I try to mull. 

My mind was occupied by thoughts of him as he looked into my eyes, sitting at the couch exactly opposite to me. He smiled as he looked at me. He said that I looked beautiful. For a moment, I asked myself that how I could ever give up on him. He makes me so happy, whether he knows it or not. Everything is beautiful, because he is a part of my life. He makes my living so worthwhile. December is gone and January is here, it's time to let go out everything that hurts.

I told him that I wanted to kiss him. He wanted the same. It was time to go home and celebrate. I wonder why humanity has grown so cold. If everyone wants to win in a war, there is no chance of peace isn't it? Love is all you need. I let him crash into me.

I turn around and watch him sleep, peaceful and secured. I look at him and think, he is the one. He always was. I tip-toe and snuggle into the blanket, cuddle him again to sleep. I hope you guys stay blessed and safe.