Day 340: Though she left a silence in the air, she left the door open.
"I hold her hand until she slips away. She’s lonely, and I'm asleep."
I walked to the edge of everything, looking for something to throw myself on, to throw myself into. Came online looking for sex & love, looking for affection like I was hunting for a killer in the dark, daring monsters within to dig their fangs in my flesh. I wanted ghosts to haunt me, longed for something possess me. Yet, I lay here alone with my thoughts in a room so quiet you would want to die. Unloved. Afraid of the world. Washed away in society’s momentum like smoke in the breeze. Pulled apart pieces by pieces until there’s nothing left. I came into here to find something meaningful. Instead I've wound up pulping myself into bits of fragments. No reason, no action.
I found her in the bar the other day, sipping wine from a bottle, swaying her hips around men who were lurking in the strobe lights for her conciousness to fade. Indeed she was aware of the forthcoming, or perhaps, she herself was the monster. She glanced at me in some way, it was a threat signal. The way she looked at me, I knew what she wanted. My heart skipping beats for all the wrong reasons. Smokey eyes, rough edges and perfect curves. Though she left a silence in the air, she left the door open. When she wasn't making love, she was making rules. No love in her touch, no comfort in her arms.
It's still a long way to go.