Wednesday, January 28

Houses out of humans.

I was always drawn towards the impossible: The idea of love in a hopeless place, morality in sensuality, materialism of emotional stability, sense of belonging in a wrecked house made out of a human; it was always extreme. I refused to settle for mediocrity. I romantisized love affairs that would set the bed up in flames and killed every inch of me that was humane. Even the slightest thought of a mundane existence stirred me up like a tornado. Destruction could never co exist with survival and my way of living was everything but nonchalant. My only evolution was a stronger back quite used to carry a huge sack of non existent love affairs with people I haven't met yet of course and patience that lasted longer than the nights with the men I could never fall in love with. It is one hell of a task to be your true self. It's so much easier to be someone else or no one at all. Sometimes when I'd have choices, I'd withdraw into my own nothingness or curl in my couch of stardom. I was one of those fools that craved for a love they didn't deserve and dodged away what could have been real. I wasn't steering anything, not even myself. The people I loved weren't the prison. I was.

Wednesday, January 14

Statistics Of Wasting Forevers

Time: Three past midnight.
Listening to: Piano Cover of Skinny Love
Mood: Whatever

Don't you wish you could pause time for like as long as it needs to pull your shit back together and then start from where you left off and nothing would ever really change, but you. Don't you wish you could rewind time and change something about a little thing and circumstances would be so much more different than how it is now and no one would ever find out. 

Everything is so temporary yet we let our miseries stick to us for the longest of times. Be it the loss of a loved one, somebody leaving or even letting someone stay longer than they deserve; everything is so momentary. This moment is not forever, yet we cling on to false hopes with both hands believing it is all we have. We move out of our comfort zones and exist on compromises, I mean we do what the hell ever is required to make it work. Sorry to burst your bubble but that's not all you have, this moment is all you have and it is slipping away, one second at a time. This idea of forever is holding you back. Letting go is sometimes the best idea to make a good feeling convert into a happy memory and not decay like corpses, somewhere in a dump of your bad memories. Everything is momentary. Everything is temporary. Do what you want to, but first let it go. You're just wasting your precious infinite forevers in the hope of creating one you've not even known of yet.

Sunday, January 11

Not The Fault In Our Stars: Part 1

We don’t commit anymore.

The problem with our generation is that we don’t fall into categories. No, I’m not talking about tags on people. We are a kind of advanced species that doesn’t know what makes or breaks them. We’re moving backwards. We’re falling back into the cave man era. We are the people who choose to exist in between, not because we want to balance our lives, but because we don’t know what we want anymore. So, there are times we tilt to the glorious side, but we don’t like it there so we flip to the negligence. This cycle continues and we find our lives chained in a series of oscillations. The oscillations are quite frequent and unpredictable. This also makes us inconsistent.