Self Destruction Is Not Romantic
How convenient it is for us to try to find inspiration in things that destroy us! Listen to all the songs these days, about drugs, infidelity and running after people that don't contribute to our existence through theirs. The problem grows around how since time immemorial people have romanticized the idea of self destruction, making it look like art, like poetry. It is not.
Let me tell you about this man that I believed I was in love with for almost three goddamn long years. Oh, how he sung my favorite song at sunset and how my hips swayed to the tune of his guitar. Sounds straight out of a television box isn't it or more like a bestselling novel thrown in your bag; the one you got sold to when the leading media houses quoted '...tragic, captivating, sensuous tale of love and despair'. Well, here I was writing my ignorance in a journal full of love songs and un-posted letters for a man that would always call me after everyone else was gone. "Time for showdown, baby!"
We need to stop finding the idea of someone not loving us back sexy. It is not. When someone shows that they aren't interested enough or that they would like to keep their options open, that is not fucking beautiful. You shouldn't be there anymore. Maybe you did like them at the first place, but they not liking you isn't what you should be fantasizing about. Unrequited love is bullshit; it's something we have invented to make the damage we've done to us sound like a compensation for what we actually deserve.
Now, get this idea out of your basket of love. That's not love. It's common sense leaving your body, bit by bit every time you're obsessing over this human that doesn't care enough. I'm not saying that they don't deserve to be loved. But, if I had to write to my 21 year old self who was plagued by the idea of this man who would eventually acknowledge her, I'd ask her to stop chasing someone didn't treat her well. It is not romantic or beautiful or poetic. It's destructive.